Still here.

I know it's been a while. I took a break from blogging because really ... I seriously have nothing to say. After my birthday was summer. I took some time off from the fitness thing. Not that I stopped going to boot camp, I got a little tired and stopped going as often. I was still logging my food into my fitness pal, but if I ate something bad I didn't log it. I was only cheating myself I know. 

So anyway..how am I doing? 
July 2015 - October 2016. Slow and steady.

I gain back about 6 pounds this summer. I felt it. I drank a little. Ate 1 too many hot dogs at Costco (damn those hot dogs). Pizza? Yeah. Cupcakes/cake..well it's just a bite. Right? 6 pounds later...ugh. I was only cheating myself. 

Lets go back to the beginning. 
This picture is me at the end of my 1st 6 week challenge. 08/12/2015. I went from 184 to 180.5. My all time high being 187 before I started boot camp. I take pride in losing 3 pounds before I started. Hey...don't judge, I know what you are thinking keep it to yourself. *sticking my tongue out at you*

1st 6 Week Challenge (06/29/2015 - 08/10/2015)
Starting Weight 184, Ending Weight 180.5

2nd 6 week challenge (09/28/2015 - 11/09/2015) 
Starting weight 181.5, Ending weight 172.9. This picture below is at the end of the challenge. 

3rd 6 Week Challenge (01/12/2016 - 02/23/2016)
Starting Weight 169.6, Ending Weight 166.4

Before

After

4th 6 Week Challenge (04/11/2016 - 05/23/2016)

Starting Weight 157.5, Ending Weight 156.4

Before

After

It was my birthday month. I have no excuse really. 

Then came the summer.. I don't have photos from the Girls Night Out Challenge we did. I'll be honest I took the summer off. Like I said above I took a break. 

BUT that break is OVER!! I'm back on track! 

5th 6 Week Challenge (10/24/2016 - 12/2/2016)

Starting Weight 162.2

Lately I haven't been feeling as good - physically. Why? Because I've been eating like shit. This last weekend was my last eat like shit weekend. I really didn't eat that bad but you know tequila isn't on my nutrition plan. I had to get it out of my system. 

So who does a challenge during the holidays anyway. ME!!! I have a goal and well the holidays can be very challenging. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am sad and I eat when I am happy. There is no in between! I'm with my family I'm so happy that I eat. I get sad when I'm not with my boys during the holidays so I eat. I like food. Saying that is hard. I've always been the skinny girl.

In high school I barely weighed in the 90's. That is me on the left.

I did pretty good in my 30's. Here I am at 36.

Then my 40th Birthday hit. Still not too bad but I felt the weight coming on. Emotionally I was not in the right place and even though I was participating in endurance events I just wasn't happy. 

41 & 1/2 - my wedding day 11/11/11
This is a photo NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN! I never printed out any photos from that weekend.  

It makes me cry looking at these photos. Not that I was unhappy about marrying Mark, there were just a lot of other things going on and well food was my only comfort.

I especially get sad when I look at this photo. People always talk about that 1 photo, what was the trigger? What finally made you want to lose weight. I present to you, Me. I was sad, I cried all the time, I was depressed and didn't even know it. 

And from 2012 - 2015 I started the YoYo dieting thing. 

October 2012 Nike Women's Half Marathon

July 2013 Barb's Race 70.3 

2014. What can I say. It was a year of disappointments for me. I DNF'ed 3 races. Wildflower Olympic, Vineman 70.3 and Barbs Race 70.3. Physically I couldn't do the races. All in all I was a really shitty wannabe Tiathlete that year. 

October 2015. Last photo's of the before's I promise. If you have ever ran an endurance race you know they offer you those great race photos. This photo was taken about 3 months after I had joined Burbank Fit Body Boot Camp. I sat at my computer and cried. 

Anyway, what is the point. It's a journey! It's hard! There is no magic pill. There isn't a magic wrap that you can put around your body that will make you skinny. Trust me, I've done it, it doesn't work. Spanx are cool, but when it comes off..everything jiggles back into place. Plain and simple it's hard work.

Refocusing and putting myself first is best thing I could have ever done for myself and my family. I'm cooking healthier and I feel good. I'm actually OK with people making fun of me, why? Because they are paying attention.  

So. This is me. Today.

What is in store for 2016! I'm back at it. IRONMAN Santa Rosa 70.3. May 13, 2017 - just 2 days after my 47th Birthday!! I'M SO EXCITED!!

My last day as a 45 year OLD woman.

You know all those things you have always wanted
to do? You should do them. 

I'm on vacation! Yay!! Mark is not..boo :(  

Mark had work meetings he could not get out of so he asked me to come and stay with him so that we could explore and do dinner.  The hotel is right off the Ventura pier and it's been so nice waking up to the sound of the ocean. So here I am hanging out in the city of Ventura. 

On my last day as a 45 year OLD woman I decided to go on a shopping trip.  I went to the Camarillo Outlets all.by.my.self. If you know me you will know this is totally out of my comfort zone. I rarely go shopping alone, I just hate it. ANYWAY... shopping. I went to all 3 sections of the outlets and just walked around. It was odd I wasn't in the mood to shop. I bought a few items that I am happy with but I really do need new clothes.  I don't know what triggered it but as I was changing in the dressing room I started crying. I was happy, I was sad, I was just emotional.  I hate shopping. I always hated buying new clothes. I had to buy things to hide my belly, or jeans/pants that fit me around the belly but were super long. Today it felt good to buy clothes that are not in the double digits and size MEDIUM shirts. What! Me a medium?? YES! I actually checked myself out in the mirror and I smiled at myself. I rarely smile at myself. 

I also had dunner with the sweetest friend from High School. We reconnected on Facebook and when she found out I was staying near by where she lives we just had to meet. I was telling Mark that  I haven't seen her since 10th grade. Social media is awesome. I'm always up to seeing old friends. I loved catching up with her. Danielle THANK YOU!! Our dinner meant more to me than you will ever know.  

July 2013  |     May 2016   

I've been trying to document my weight loss journey but honestly I'm not very good at it. While I may talk about how happy I am and how wonderful I feel, truth be told this shit is HARD!! Going to my boot camp after work is hard. I'm stressed out and tired and what I really want to do is go home and sit my butt on the sofa and eat some strawberry ice cream. But no, I have a goal. At first it was a weight loss goal but now not so much. I want to feel good. I like feeling good. No wait I fucking love feeling good!! Just a year ago I was getting cortisone shots in my knees and hip. I walked with a limp and walking up a flight of stairs killed my knees. Now I'm able to run and take a flight of stairs like nothing. 

In so many ways I wish I could have written myself a letter. My 44/45 year old self to myself today. Something in the lines that all the hard work will ould pay off. Celebrate the little success and never ever give up. Embrace changes, listen and learn. Be confident!

My weight loss journey is not over I feel like it's just begun. I've recently started a vegan based diet. I do add fish to my diet, but I try to limit it to 3-4 times a week. I love trying out new vegan recipes. I cook tofu. I eat tons of vegetables. Lots of black beans and garbanzo beans. It all started when my boot camp offered a 28 weight loss challenge where you eat alkaline foods and use products from SEVENPOINT2 - The Alkaline diet. It's been a huge eye opener for me. I never thought much about how acidic my body could be. I've had stomach issues for years. I've had to be careful with what I ate because certain foods caused me to go running to the toilet or heartburn.. oh that is the worst. I haven't had any heart burn in weeks now. I'm still doing the shakes and eating mostly all alkaline foods. These last 2 weeks I haven't been as strict and I need to get back on my nutrition plan. Mark is so adorable he is now doing this whole "Would Bucket eat that? No. Then I shouldn't either." I call that a WIN! How often he does it who knows but just knowing that he does pay attention is awesome.  Gotta love him. 

I'm looking forward to being 46. 46. 46. 46. I mean look at Jennifer Lopez -  woman is hot and she is 46. Whatever. It's just a number .. right?

  

Celebrating success and a new challenge

Celebrating success. That is really what I want to talk about. I want and hate the attention all at the same time. While with some you can celebrate, there are others that frown upon it. Why? I’ve made 1 too many mistakes in this weight loss challenge of mine. Voice my opinion. It’s hard not to have an opinion.

I get questions on how are you doing it? What are you eating? I answer each and every one truthfully. Boot camp, logging my food, sticking to my macros and calories. Once I say ‘Here let me show you’, that is when I get a look like ugh no don’t show me - I know what to do- I just wanted to know what you are doing.

To date my success ... 25 pounds lost! YEP! I went to see my doctor last week and he said I lost 5 inches alone around my waist. I've had to go shopping for some new clothes (not complaining) and I feel so much better all around. My best success honestly is my cooking. I'm cooking things I would never have eaten before and my taste buds are having a party.

My next challenge, I'm doing a 28 day alkaline weight loss program. It's using SEVENPOINT2 Alkaline products. It's a huge lifestyle change for me. It's shakes and veggies and lots of veggies. No meat. Yes...you read that right. Which in a way I am totally OK with. Just this week I had meat a few times and it had me running to the toilet. All this clean eating is cleaning me out. hahahaha yeah I crack myself up.

So here goes, my before photos for this challenge. Starting weight 161. Just thinking about it now, but totally going to take measurements tomorrow. Super excited and can't wait to see what changes my body goes through!

   

 

  

6 Week Challenge No.3 - the results are in

When I joined Burbank Fit Body Boot Camp I was on a mission. Lose the weight. I'm sure that is what everyone who walks in says to the trainers. They will be surprised at what the trainers suggest, and I say suggest because most people will be like WHAT! 

1. Eat more calories. This was really hard for me to do in the beginning.  I don't even know how many calories a day I was honestly eating. My breakfast consisted of a bagel and coffee. Lunch was usually left overs from dinner. It could be tacos, to lasagna, to whatever. Then I'd go home and have dinner. Probably the same thing I had for lunch, unless it was Pizza day. My husband loves his pizza day. That was usually 3 slices of Pepperoni pizza with a salad of course. Can't forget the beer. Pizza and beer my favorite. Anyway the point is I was not eating very healthy. I was filling up on foods that were bad for me. Learning to eat healthy calories has been amazing!!!    

2. Tracking Macros. I had no idea what this was. It took me a while to figure it out.  Right now I'm doing 40% Carbs, 40% Protein, and 20% fat. Carbs? Yes but my carbs come from veggies and fruits. Protein from protein shakes, cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, eggs, etc. The fats are in everything, so as long as I'm sticking to my 20% goal , I'm happy. 

3. Cottage cheese. YUCK! It looked like spoiled milk to me. All I knew about cottage cheese was that it was a good fat burner.  My new favorite is 1 cup of Knudsen cottage cheese with 1 cup of fresh pineapple. AMAZING!! I have this a couple times a week. It was also suggested to me to add cottage cheese to my protein shakes. At first I was like NO really that just sounds gross. I tried it ...and I am in love. It makes the protein shake more smooth and creamy.

All in all I am loving this lifestyle change. It is a struggle at times but I am learning to cope with it. I think the hardest part is trying not to make it look like a diet to others. What do I mean? OK an example would be going out or even getting invited to go out. Most of my friends don't call me anymore. I'll get the 'Oh we didn't invite you because we know you aren't drinking'.  Or we are barbecuing and are wondering what can you eat? One time I got this and this was amazing,keep your healthy food out of our house we only eat junk food here. I laugh because not 2 minutes later - Oh that looks good can I have some. Punk!  

I still crave the junk food when I see it, but that is why no junk food is allowed in the house. If my husband has it, he has to put away somewhere that is NOT in the kitchen and where I can not see it. 

Now on to the results picture. Where I started and where I am at. 

I find my weight so embarrassing! I cry. I'm very sensitive about my weight. (Side Note: I asked my husband to read my blog and he looks at me and says you never weighed that much! I didn't see it. Gosh I love him!) So before I started boot camp I lost 3 lbs on my own and my starting weight at boot camp was 184 lbs. So *sigh* my highest ever was 187. Yeah...I don't even know what to say!! My ending weight after this last challenge is 166.4.            

So all in all I have lost 20.4 lbs. More than that I have lost 14.65 FAT POUNDS. Have you seen what that looks like?  I can tell you exactly where I've lost it. My thighs, my tummy, my back, my arms, actually everywhere. For the next challenge I want to focus on keeping my lean lbs the same and losing the fat lbs. 

I do have a goal photo, but it's not really about what I looked like in the photo it's about the jeans. I still have those jeans and have kept them in hopes to fit into them again one day. They are nothing special I just love those jeans. 

For now I'm still on my own challenge until the next boot camp challenge starts. I'm staying focused and looking forward to slipping those jeans on again but more than that being healthy feels good. Sometimes I just want to bottle up this feeling to share it around. 

  

Who are you calling fat?

I cried after I saw this photo (picture taken November 2014). Who is that?  What happened to me?

I made excuse after excuse about my weight. It's menopause. I'm going through the change, so you know at my age it's harder to lose weight. Maybe it's my thyroid. Yeah that's what it is. Or you know what it is, Diabetes. It runs in my family. That is what it is. I know it. It didn't matter how little I ate or how much I exercised I wasn't losing anything. 

Then it happened. Someone called me fat. Well not straight to my face, but it was more like 'Us fat girls need to stick together.' WHAT? Who are you calling fat. I looked backed to see who else was around and it was just her and I. I smiled but deep down inside I knew it. Honestly that wasn't the only time. I noticed in a group photo that holiday season I was 'cropped' off at a holiday party I attended. I was the only one that didn't look like the rest - you know in size. I just smiled when I was told oh you know Instagram cut you off. After that I was like who needs enemies when I have friends like you. OK fine... whatever. Over it.   

I then went on diets. I tried an all protein diet, I tried crazy cleanses. Nothing. I would lose 3 pounds. Gain back those 3 plus 1 or 2. It made NO SENSE! NO SENSE AT ALL. 

My bursitis in my hip wasn't getting any better and the Orthovisc shots I received in my knees would soon wear off. I asked what can I do so I don't have to come back and get these shots again. Doctor looked at me and said losing weight would really help. Umm.. hello. I'm solid. I do triathlons, I run marathons.. it's all muscle at least that is what I thought.   

Then one day I saw photos of an old teammate pop up. The transformation was amazing and I wanted to find out more about it. I sent her a message on Facebook. She told me all about this bootcamp she was attending. It was more then a workout they also talked to you about nutrition. She mentioned they were starting a new 6 Week challenge and this would be a great opportunity for me to try it out. During these challenges the trainers would give you extra workouts on the weekends and help you with nutrition. I figured I have nothing to lose. 

I joined Burbank Fit Body Bootcamp in the month of June 2015. Lets fast forward because I'm a boring writer. 

Part of the challenge is that they take before and after photos. In the beginning I hated them. Actually I still hate getting them taken, but when I see how much my body has changed I get so excited. 

From June to November I know I was a lot more motivated. During the holidays I admit I got a little lazy. I didn't gain any weight during the holidays (which is AWESOME) I actually lost about 2 pounds, but then my body pretty much stayed the same. 

What I have learned. Lean bodies are made in the kitchen. It's the whole 80/20 rule. 80% Food 20% Exercise. I log in all of my food and try to attend boot camp at least 4/5 days and sometimes 6 days. Just really depends on what is going on. 

(1-. When I strted bootcamp, June 29, 2015. 2- At the end of my 2nd 6 week challenge, November 10, 2015. 3- The start of this current 6 Week challenge, January 9, 2016)

What I love about this is that I make my food choices. I am learning what is good for my body to keep it healthy. Most places give you a meal plan. At Fit Body Boot Camp it's the members who help eachother in this part. We all talk about food all day long. What works, what tastes great, but it's up to you to make it and keep yourself accountable. 

Each time I get tired or I am feeling unmotivated I look at my challenge photos. While I still have a lot to lose the changes are happening slowly but surely. I cry. It's not about trying to impress anyone. It's about feeling good - physically!   

This is the last week of this 6 week challenge (my 3rd) and I can't wait to see my before and after photos side by side. I did get a little sick and didn't make it in as often, but I still kept to my calorie and count and watched my macros. 

I feel like I can start planning races again. It's been a long time since I've felt motivated enough to even look at a race website. I look at the bike (I HAD TO HAVE) and it's just sitting there - flat tires and all. All Triathlon gear is neatly put away. 

What do I want to do? 

I want to do Kona 70.3. I want to do an Ironman! I won't get ahead of myself, I know I have to start over and I'm OK with that. Summer 2016 is when I plan to start training again. Now to find a race. :) The possibilities are endless. 

Why are they talking about me in that song?

Have you ever heard a song and right off the bat it's like hey that song is me. I could have wrote it.



As I kept on listening I heard this little voice sing:
♫ ....but before I give up,
        before I give in,
        I look to my friends in the stars,
        and he said
        you gotta go
        you gotta get up and go
        before you get anywhere ... ♫

Tears. Yeah I am pretty emotional like that but I was crying! The song was speaking to me. Last week I was sick, I missed another swim practice and had absolutely no motivation. I email my mentor and said you know maybe this isn't the best time for me. I mean seriously what am I doing here. I'm no 'real' triathlete. I don't care about PRing. I care about crossing that finish line. After my injuries last year I kind of lost hope in myself. What am I trying to prove?

That is when all my crazy emotions hit me. As the song says "I mess up, I haven't done my best..."  But in the words of bucket "I am not giving up." 

I'm still in training, Training for Super Hero Cancer Fighter Status. 

So much to catch up on!

Nautica Malibu Triathlon.

So I won't bore anyone with the details but my goal was to swim that swim like no ones business. I did it! I came out feeling amazing. 

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I also participated in the Bonelli Park Steamboat Express Triathlon. 
That race was so much fun!! I can't believe I said that. The swim was over in a blink of an eye. The bike portion was a bit of a pain - the hills - and the run was over before I knew it. I laughed because I came out 7th in my group. I was like WOO HOO then I realized there were only 8 people in my age group. Good times.

I love my teammates. They are so inspiring and my biggest cheerleaders.

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last but not least - my annual girls get away weekend Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco. 

The race was a bit challenging because my hip still isn't feeling it's best. But I still felt good throughout the race. For me it wasn't about the time it was about me showing myself I still had the spirit in me. 

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And now I'm at it again. I've joined Team Audrey!! What is Team Audrey? A group of amazing people whose goal is to  raise $100,000 to link Audrey Duffy to a Research Portfolio! Who is Audrey Duffy? 

She is a woman who cancer doesn't know who it's dealing with. Her spirit, her fight, her determination, it's what drives me. I was running with her and I said you know I may take a season off - just you know relax a bit. Her answer "I wish I could tell cancer I want to take a season off." Ah yeah!! So umm what do you say to that? You can't say no. 

 http://pages.teamintraining.org/calso/yourway15/BucketOfLove